The Soul-Sucking, Time Consuming, Expensive Task that is Job Hunting

Job hunting in the States is a giant soul-sucking joke. The United State’s newest greedy scam involves paying money to get a job. Here’s an ongoing run down of the process so far:

BACKGROUND: I’m 34, hold a B.A. in Behavioral and Political Science. I was a teacher for eight years in Asia. I have 6+ years of experience in management and even more in customer service. I am a certified tour guide. I have also performed stand up comedy, improv, and done acting and voice over work for the past three years. I am also a published writer…and I do astrology readings for people. Jack of all trades, master of none over here.

Rate of pay in Asia: Between $20-30/hour

October 9th: Returned to the US after eight years abroad.
October 17th: Got married at the local courthouse so we could apply for my husband’s green card that will take three months to get. During that time, he’s not allowed to work.
October 24th: I started applying for jobs.

1. – I thought, “Hey, I’d love to pet sit, house sit, tutor, or run errands for people! I’ve got tons of experience doing all of this. Should be a cinch!”
$$$ spent so far: $45 for a three month membership. They threw in a free MV check that would have normally been $27. They WANT another $69 to add a background check. I didn’t do it. They won’t let you upload a background check from another source… (you can get them much cheaper from other places…)

I’ve applied for over twenty five jobs – no replies. I’ve had two people contact me separately – both of which required me to take care of special needs children for $10/hour, minimal hours.

Money made: $0
Money spent: $45.00
Time Wasted: ongoing – several hours to sign up and make a profile, time spent searching through their jobs everyday.

2. Staffing for Events – I applied to work security at events all over town, thinking, “Sweet this will be cool!” I got hired. They did a background check. It took four days. They wanted me to come to orientation immediately the next day – that was when I found out that I couldn’t have colored hair…(I currently have blue hair.) I tried to get the color out with dandruff shampoo, olive oil, dish soap and even special dye stripper. No dice. Then I found out they only pay $9.67 per hour, and some of the gigs were over an hour away from my place…Sigh.

Money made: $0
Money spent: $26.99 at Sally Beauty on shit that didn’t work
Time wasted: 6 days

3. Christmas Elf – I got an email back for this job at the same time as the staffing one above. This was only temporary work though, so I went for the staffing company instead. Shame. The gigs paid $60-120 per day…but were corporate parties where you were meant to play with kids. By the time I realized the staffing thing was a bust, it was too late. They had me fill out a job application twice and send a ton of pictures.

Time wasted: 4 hours

4. Rent-a-Friend: There is literally a company where you sign up to be people’s ‘friends’ for a set time, and you get paid hourly (20-30+), and for whatever you do with them. I had two hits from people, but it feels a bit prostitutey, so I never replied.

Time wasted: 4 hours

5. Tour Guide, Whiskey Distillery – This job would’ve been great. $12/hour and it fit my skills set. It would’ve been perfect, except for the hour long commute during peak hours, and they wanted me to come in for a tour before I could even interview. They should’ve put that in their Craigslist ad…

Time wasted: 2 hours

6. Trimmer and bud tender: I applied to take care of marijuana plants, (it’s legal here in Colorado), and got an interview. I found out before the interview that I would need a special license to work in the industry that costs $75.00. I asked if I should go ahead and start getting that now. I proactively tried to book an appointment before hearing the answer: Yes. I couldn’t get an interview until 12/20. It was 12/2 at the time. 

I nailed the interview and got the job – $10/hour in an industry that made over 1 billion in revenue this year…I could start as soon as I had my license, but they wanted me to come in for a class on the plants the very next day. That class costs $140.00…
I am very interested in plant medicine and thought this would be fascinating and a way to find out about other herbs in the future.

The class was three hours long. I found out that basically, I’d be doing menial labor for eight hours everyday, at a different location each time, all far from my house. There are periodic raids that happen, and you must wear crappy clothes as you get sticky weed all over you regularly that ruins them, as well as stink to high hell. If you can’t trim two pounds of bud a day, you’re fired. 

Because I can’t apply for my license until the 20th, I wouldn’t have it until January, and then I’d still have to go in for two more UNPAID trainings…

I have yet to decide if I will follow through on the license, but with the new administration taking over in a month…plus – how will this affect my future? (I saw the same job listed at another place for $12/hour.) Unfortunately, this is the way to get your foot in the door. 

Money made: $0
Money spent: $140.00
+ a possible $75 more
Time Wasted: Between research, interviews, class, calling around for appointments, and waiting for licensure – one month. ><

7. Brand Ambassador: I had a phone conversation with a friend of my father’s about what how to become one. Brand Ambassadors make between $18-30 an hour. (GREAT!) She put me in a ton of local groups that hire for this. Oops! My hair is still fucked. (NEVER bleach your hair and dye it blue unless you are absolutely positive you won’t need a respectable job! There is a back story to this I will have to tell another time.) 

Time wasted: 2-3 hours

8. Movie Theater Manager: I used to manage theaters. It’s a fun, low stress job. The application took FOUR FREAKING HOURS to finish, complete with a math test that had questions like, “If a train leaves at 6pm and is going 120mph, and makes 3 stops at 2 min. each, what is it’s average speed?” I haven’t done Math like this in 16 years! All to shovel popcorn and schedule teenagers…

Time Wasted: FOUR FREAKING HOURS (still haven’t heard from them)

9. Target: I’m getting desperate. They have holiday hours. $10.50/hour to start.

Time Wasted: 2 hours! to fill out the online application (still haven’t heard from them – I gave them full, open availability)

10. UPS – They wanted holiday help. I applied to be a driver runner. Basically, I run packages to the door for the driver. No problem. Yay exercise! Plus weekly bonuses of $150.
Nope. Not for me. I think they only hire students…

Time wasted: 1 hour (still haven’t heard from them)

11. Old folks home, event coordinator: This was local and still looks promising. I filled out their app on They contacted me by email 5 days later and wanted me to fill out an application on their website. (Why didn’t they just put that in their indeed add?) I did what they asked. They called today to do a phone interview, but I missed the call. I called them back 30 minutes later. They haven’t called back. I have no idea what this position pays…

Time wasted: 2 hours + 7 hours of waiting around today.

I bet they won’t like my hair.

12. Substitute teacher at public schools: This has come up twice now. Once back around Thanksgiving, and again now. When I first looked into it, the county I live in requires a teaching license. I gave up then. I was told today that by another educator that the Colorado Department of Education will allow it. There is a huge packet to fill out, complete with fingerprints and background checks, and of course, $$$ I need to pay. $90. It will take six weeks to process…but the pay is $120 a day, and substitutes are sorely needed. 

Time wasted so far: three weeks on receiving bad info the first time around

13. Xmas Delivery driver: The lady at the place I went to apply in, (because that was the directions craigslist gave), said she’d definitely call, and I’d start today – $6 per delivery. No hourly wage, and I don’t get paid if the person isn’t home to receive the delivery… No call came today. 

Time wasted: 3 days.

14. Selling CBD products – I went to a sales meeting to find out about selling medicinal hemp products. It turned out to be a slight pyramid scheme, with super expensive products. (They wanted $800 for a starter package…) And JUST TODAY the DEA decided to classify CBD in the same category as heroin…

Time wasted: 5 hours

**Too many more to list.**


Time wasted: (October 24th – December 15th) = 52 days and counting
Money Spent so far: $211.99
Money Made on jobs: $0

All to join the rat race doing things that don’t enrich my life.

I realize I need to get this hair problem fixed, but this is pathetic. The wages are low, and there’s no sense of being used for your talents. I have made money in one way: paid marketing groups. I managed to score three of these and have made $426 off of these so far. Unfortunately, they’re not something that can just be done everyday.

I’d love to be counseling people, but I don’t have an extra $60,000 USD right now to put towards a Master’s degree in Social Work that would only end up paying thirty-something thousand a year, and take two or more years to get.

What a waste of life. Fuck capitalism. Fuck greed. This system isn’t working.








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